“I feel like I’ve just been gaslit,” she said as we left the office, hands shaking and tears streaming down her face.
“You were,” I responded, feeling my anger bubbling like lava in a volcano about to explode.
Any hope of a positive doctor-patient relationship that she hoped would provide some form of safety and reassurance came to an abrupt end as quickly as it began. She had waited months for this appointment. She was struggling day to day with severe heart palpitations, nausea and debilitating fatigue. Being a young woman of 21, these symptoms were not only scary for her, but they were also interrupting the beginning of her adult life.
My niece went to the doctor to discover more about her severe palpitations
She was hopeful going into that appointment that maybe, just maybe, she’d get some of the answers she was looking for. She wanted to know what she was dealing with, so she could learn how to treat it and feel better.
Unfortunately, like so many others in her shoes, that wasn’t the case. She was told an inane explanation of how young women tend to have smaller hearts and, therefore, their hearts have to work harder.
“Is he actually saying what I think he’s saying”, I thought to myself.
According to him, a young woman’s heart has to pump harder than a man’s does, and severe tachycardia is just a normal symptom. The truth was that he had no idea what was going on with her. He didn’t want to admit it and simply refused to be honest about it. Once again, a young woman was dismissed and gaslit by the very doctors who work in our healthcare system.
It’s part of a bad pattern of poor doctor patient relationships
This experience was very similar to many others I’ve experienced in my 10 years of managing chronic, sometimes debilitating symptoms.
I have also been dismissed by many medical and naturopathic doctors. Typically, because of my age and gender, I’ve been told countless times that there is “nothing” wrong with me. Meanwhile, I experience severe fatigue, dizziness, digestive disturbances, heart palpitations, random skin rashes, and an ever-present feeling of malaise.
Suffice it to say, I knew exactly how my niece felt. It didn’t feel good for me, and it doesn’t feel good for her either. I know there has to be a better way for doctor-patient relationships to be more supportive. Every person struggling to find the root cause of their illness deserves helpful attention and answers.
Naturopathic practitioners see the consequences of bad doctor patient relationships
As a former practitioner of naturopathic medicine, I’m often the last resort for a patient’s health concerns. Most of my patients had been to multiple doctors, specialists, and other healthcare practitioners. They often felt a little defeated by the time they came to my office.
I heard hundreds of similar stories. The patient goes into the doctor’s office, and they’re told that their symptoms are because of stress or exhaustion. They’re told that there’s nothing wrong with them because they are mothers. Important note: 99% of these patients are women. The doctors would do a bit of blood work before dismissing their symptoms as “normal” events. There’d be no follow-up.
I’ve seen this same experience far too often with my own patients as well as the women I know in my personal life. The neglectful doctor-patient relationship has a compounding mental health effect on these women (mental health is a subject we care a great deal about). Most of the time, the patient is left feeling emotionally and physically defeated.
Alternative methods to improve health and wellness
Something has to change with how our healthcare professionals support women and their healthcare concerns. This is an issue that needs to be addressed on a global scale.
I believe that women’s health should be at the forefront of new research. Studies have repeatedly shown that our bodies differ greatly from men. However, though there are more studies than, say 50 years ago, we’re far from understanding the true complexities involving women’s health. As more research uncovers deeper insights, we may help more women live a higher quality of life.
I also have a great understanding of the holes in our healthcare system and believe our overburdened specialists and medical doctors also need some compassion. They’re often doing their best with the tools they have at their disposal.
We also have to consider other contributing factors that cause illness. Things like toxicity levels in our food supply, environmental toxins, EMF radiation, increased stress levels and so many more make it challenging for the practicing physician to find the root cause.
What I do know, however, is there is always room for active listening, honesty, and compassion in the doctor/patient relationship.
Empathy also goes a long way
If you find yourself in this situation, be your own advocate. Gather all of your patient files and put them on a USB. Have your information handy for whatever practitioner you visit. Let your doctor know, with compassion in your heart and kindness in your eyes, that you are really struggling.
Make it clear that you know your symptoms may be hard to diagnose, but that you need their help. Ask them to dive a little deeper, with tests, referrals, whatever it will take. Let them know you are grateful for their help and that you know they are also over-burdened. Empathy and compassion go both ways. The doctor/patient relationship is balanced when both sides are positive and respectful.
When a patient feels heard, their concerns are more readily addressed. The physician is more willing to go deeper with their diagnoses to find the root cause. When a woman experiences this empathetic doctor patient relationship, it marks the beginning of a potentially beautiful healing process.