I sat at the entrance of my childhood home with a mug of coffee cooling on the floor. I grew up here or should I say I was shaped into the adult my parents wanted me to be within these four walls. I recall the phrases constantly uttered by my parents when I was younger.
“Girls shouldn’t rely on anyone!” “You are the driver for your dreams, DO NOT give that to anyone!” “Mommy and Daddy love you, always!” Yup, I had a picturesque childhood. The kind we see in coming of age movies, the one in which the protagonist runs straight to their parents when a problem occurs and has an epiphany of joy following a great heart-to-heart conversation. Modern cinema and pop culture often portray parents as cool and nonchalant—parents who can be your best friend, keep your secrets and with whom you can share details about major life events. Is that really the case for everyone though? Should one be an open-book to establish a strong bond with their parents? Do I have to come clean about everything, such as my dating life? Or do I need to establish boundaries at some point? Sweat trickles down my forehead as the clock strikes 11. Hmmm…is she late? She said she finishes work at 10. I guess I have more time to plan out my speech.
“Mom, Dad I think…No no, I know..Um I feel?” Ugh. Breathe! “I am an atheist. You may be wondering why or where this is coming from. Let me start with stating the obvious. No, I am not dating someone outside of your religion. I think while I lived on my own, I faced the world and met people from various backgrounds and religions in University and so my beliefs and values were challenged.” No, no. They’ll think I was drinking and smoking while in University. They’ll think I was up to no good and must be where all this is coming from. “I just want to explore other ways of spirituality.” No, that sounds like you want to convert, come on! Sheesh, I wonder if this confession would be so hard if they weren’t as religious. Everyday started with religious hymns and songs, festival days were extravagant and we had our lovely set of superstitions to follow. “Yes, mom, I am well aware this is how I spent the last 18 years of my life. I think we all have moments in life where we discover that we want to change something about ourselves.”
“Yes you are allowed to have opinions in life but not about religion, religion is something you cannot change” -Mom
But, isn’t it something unique to every individual? Doesn’t every human have their own way of practicing their faith? I think everyone should have a journey to self-discovery and to firmly establish their beliefs in relation to faith and religion. Several theist households encourage their children to adopt the parents’ faith simply because they are born into the family and, hence, were born into the religion. But, shouldn’t something as personal as faith and prayers be chosen by the individual? Each religion and every ideology has its unique belief system and so shouldn’t we be allowed to learn about them all before sticking to one? And must we really only adhere to one belief? Or any at all for that matter?
“What makes you happy?” -Mom
Choosing to identify as an atheist while I explore other religions would make me happy. I don’t know if I will eventually follow any faith in the future. I believe in karma and peace; the power of goodwill and good deeds. I don’t expect anyone to follow in my footsteps and abandon their faith even though it would be a good thing if more people learned about different beliefs instead of inheriting the faith they were born into. The clock strikes 12. The cooled coffee now tastes bitter. I should warm it up as I continue to wait to conclude this conversation.